Created: 3/4/95

Spokesperson: Hey kids, are you tired of hearing about all those celebrities getting all the attention with their so-called substance abuse problems. Sure, you hear it on the news, the talk shows, and on the tabloid news shows. Well now you can join in the fun. New from Mattel, it's the Barbie Substance Abuse Dream Hospital! Now you can pretend to have the same news-grabbing maladies just like the big kids.

So start badgering your parents with threats of future abuses during adolescence, and ask for...the NEW Barbie Substance Abuse Dream Hospital.

V.O. Barbie, Guest Celebrity Figures and Placebos sold separately.